midlife

I was talking with a good friend the other day about the meaning of mid-life. We are both on the verge of turning 40 at which point it becomes difficult to deny that life is entering its latter part. It can be a sobering recognition.

I am happy to report that I feel good about where I am at in life and so I don’t expect to play out the psychodrama of a midlife crisis. I can say that I have no regrets. I am happy where I am at and I can see how the small diversions and difficulties of my life have been necessary in some way.

Perhaps midlife is the first time when we can really get a sense of our mortality. Half of life has passed away. Mortality focuses the mind on quality. In death, what we have accumulated is meaningless—it is what we have left behind in our wake, how true to our values we have lived, how we have loved and been loved—these are the things that count, in some more universal sense.

In many ways, I feel I have just arrived at the point in my life where I can really deepen into a fullness that has eluded me so far. I’ve always had the sense of how I want to live, but it has seemed a distant ideal. Now I have a beautiful place to live and build, a loving relationship and circle of friends, half a life of skills and experience to draw upon, and an ease with my place in the world.

I know I have not achieved everything I could have—I have been undisciplined at times, distracted, self-indulgent, and just plain lazy. Despite these lapses, I have somehow arrived at a good place. It has been like getting lost and arriving exactly where you need to be.

So on the cusp of my official mid-life, I am selling my lovely red BMW motorcycle and not having an affair with my secretary (even if I had a secretary). Instead, I am recalibrating and stepping into the fullness of life. I want to serve my family and my community, to live with attention and respect, to be humble and generous.

I believe we are entering another time in history when people will be asked to be and do all they can. Each of us must find our rightful place in this unfolding—we need to find the sense of wholeness from which we can step up to our role. In this light, the self-indulgence of a midlife crisis is not possible.

I just read this essay, the coda to Home from Nowhere by James Howard Kunstler. I was moved and inspired by his piece.